He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
