I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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