I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
