You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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