Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
