the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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