If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
