My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
