i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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