spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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