yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
