You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
