A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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