He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
