I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
