The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
