You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
