Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
