shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
