he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
