My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
