ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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