I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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