Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
