He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
