well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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