oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
