Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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