Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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