So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
