You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
