i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
