There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
