shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
