OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
