Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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