Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
