It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
