I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
