She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
