i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
