An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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