dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
