just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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