Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
