Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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