We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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