GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
