Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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