I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
operation harelip BJ is a go
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
