I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
