Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
