first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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