i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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