is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
