you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
two words: eviction party
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
