i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize