If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
