TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
