I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
