He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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