You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
