I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
