come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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