How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So many bounce houses so little time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
