I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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