just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize