The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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