cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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