I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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