I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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