I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
