you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
