So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
