It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
