dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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