My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
