i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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