the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize