Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
