no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
