well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
