can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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