haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think my moral compass just broke
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
