Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
