k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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