Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
whose parrot is this?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
