walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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