he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
