I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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